illegal emissions

        A quiz.  In ten seconds or less, what’s the first thing you think of when you hear the word Malawi?    Go.          

        Anything?             

        Anything?  

       

        For some of you, your first thought may have been that Madonna adopted a baby from there, which is true. The powers-that-be, bent the rules on foreign adoptions because she promised money for orphans. I’m not sure she’s come through, but that’s not really what I’m looking for here. While we’re talking about celebrities though, let’s give this quiz to Jon Stewart, newscaster of the Daily Show.

       “Jon, ten seconds.  First thing that comes to mind when you think of Malawi?”

       “Farting.”

       “What’s that Jon?”

       “Farting, and the fact that in Malawi, it is a criminal offense if you fart in public.”

       This is also true.  Evidently this law was on the books back in 1929, just like many of the crazy laws we still have on the books in the US. When it came up again though, rather than abolish it, the President wanted to enforce it.  The Local Courts Bill reads:

        "Any person who vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make

        it noxious to the public to the health of persons in general dwelling

        or carrying on business in the neighborhood or passing along a public

        way shall be guilty of a misdemeanor."

        I'm sure we all know people who could really rack up a criminal record in Malawi. Seriously though, how will they police this?  What if someone let’s one of those ‘silent, but deadly’ ones? Who’s going to take the blame? Will it be ‘he who smelt it, dealt it?’ Surely there are more important things to clean up in this East African country. One concern I have is that there is potential for abuse.  I'm afraid they may use this as an excuse to bring people in. The people of Malawi think the entire situation is ridiculous and that their government should be spending its time and money on other issues.

       Malawians are not happy with their President.  I asked several of them about this and they said he is selfish and not a man to be honored. This is the same President who bought a private jet while his country was in the middle of a fuel shortage, and there are conflicting stories as to why there actually was a fuel shortage. It had reached the crisis stage when I took my bus trip from Mzuzu to Blantyre. I wasn’t allowed to purchase my ticket in advance, because the ride was contingent on the bus company securing enough fuel to make the trip.  They said,

       “Show up in the morning, and if we have petrol, we’ll go.”

       The next morning the bus pulled out and we got on our way.  Four hours into the trip, we pulled over to the side of the road and sat.  Twenty minutes later, I began to breathe in the heavy, noxious smell of gasoline.  I looked at the woman next to me and asked,

       “What?”

       She leaned in, “black mm..ma..” She searched for a word.

       “Black market?”

       “Yes.”

       I doubt the bus company made a profit that day, paying black market prices. When we rolled into town I noticed lines and lines of cars at every gas station. It reminded me of the American fuel shortages in the 1970’s.

       A few days later I called Linus, a taxi driver, to give me a lift to a shopping area so I could purchase some supplies. I got into his car and noticed his tank was almost on empty.  When I asked him about it, he said,

       “There is no petrol in the city anywhere. The stations are closed.”  He took me to the shopping center and as I got out I said,

       “Thank you.  I’ll call when I’m done because I don’t know how long I’ll be.”

       “I’ll stay and wait.  I have only enough petrol to take you back and then get home.”

       “Oh, ok.  I won’t be long then.”

       Back in the taxi, we headed towards the hostel.  During every stop in traffic, he turned off the car's engine. On the way up a hill the car sputtered to a stop.  No gas.  We were about two kilometers from the hostel.

       “I’m sorry,” He said, “can you walk from here?”

        “Yes, of course, but what about you?  How will you get home?” I knew he lived in a village outside of town.

        “I will hitch a ride. The government has promised petrol on Friday.”

        “This is Wednesday. That means you won’t make any money tomorrow.”

I made a mental note to call him and go somewhere on Friday.

       Now, I don’t want you to get the wrong impression of Malawi just because the government has its priorities twisted.  The landscape is lush and beautiful.  The country itself is called ‘The Heart of Africa” because the Malawians are so friendly and accommodating. I enjoyed getting to know these precious people. The highlight of my time there came not from a Malawian though, but from an American. 

       I checked my Facebook page one day and saw that Heidi, the director and instructor of my TEFL certification course in Costa Rica was going to be in Malawi!  After teaching two more sessions, and going back to the states, she had accepted a fellowship from the US government to teach at a university in Blantyre. We made a plan to meet for dinner.

        “Teacha, teacha!” I yelled when I saw her across the restaurant.  We hugged, and talked simultaneously, each of us so happy to see a familiar face. We settled into a booth and Heidi said,

       “Hey, I remember that shirt.”

        I laughed and said, “Heidi, I’m still on the same trip, you’ll recognize all five of my tops.”
       "No way! That seems like forever ago."

        We talked non-stop about the things that had happened in our lives since we’d met last August. When we'd said good-bye at the end of my course in Costa Rica, we'd assumed we would never see each other again, yet here we were, on another continent, halfway around the world in a remote country. We talked about Malawi and her high hopes for her students. We laughed about the crazy times back at TEFL, and the fun people in the class. It was like no time had gone by at all.  Our meal was delicious, our bellies were full and we were content.  We giggled as we tried not to pass gas.

      

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